Mother Aloysius, D.C.- life story
Mother Aloysius of Our Lady Of Good Counsel, D.C.
.........
CHAPTER 2.
Baltimore
Anna loved Carmel right from the start. The brown dress and cape delighted her. The straw mattress on her bed, and the simply finished cell fully accorded with all her expectations. And the joy of living under the name roof with Our Blessed Lord in the tabernacle compensated for the inevitable twinges of homesickness that she experienced during the first few weeks of her postulancy.
After a warm reception from all the members of the Community, Reverend Mother Raphael introduced Anna to the youngest novice whose duty it was to initiate her into the ways of Carmel,. The "Little Mother" was thorough as -- all Little Mothers are--but the fervent postulant was eager to learn and the slightest injunction was carried out with scrupulous fidelity.
Before the Community assembled in, the refectory for Anna's first meal in Carmel, she had been duly instructed by her Little Mother concerning customs to be observed at table. This good novice made one final remark: “When you finish your meal, Place your knife on your napkins in a horizontal position. Form an angle above it with your fork and spoon, and thus you will always be reminded to make an act of faith in the Most Blessed Trinity.” And to the and of Mother's life, this bit of advice man carried out to the letter.
This incident also gives us a glimpse of the high ideal Mother wanted to realize in her spiritual life right from the start. Her meticulous observance of small things, recognized supernaturally as faithful correspondence with the grace of the moment, and her stubborn determination not to swerve from the highest possible perfection, will at last win the crown of close union with God which her soul longed. for so ardently every moment of her 1ife. But though she always felt drawn to a deep interior life of perfect prayer, her natural ambition for exterior perfection constantly drove her in the opposite direction, and a continual war was waged between these two opposing forces in her early religious formation.
The heavy work at home an the farm in Deerfield and the necessity to go out and earn her livelihood in order to go to school in Owatonna as well as to help support the family, later, forced Anna into an early maturity and an independence of judgement which she often found difficult to restrain as she took her place as the youngest member of the firmly-established Community. Some amusing incidents arose as a result of this, as was the case of the postulant's first appearance at the Divine Office in choir. Anna could not help noticing that the verses of the psalms were printed with asterisks and that the Sisters, seemed to stop there, presumably to take a breath. Anna felt she was capable of taking sufficient breath to sing each verse without these continual pauses, and that is precisely what she did all during Vespers. Needless to say, at Compline that evening, everyone stopped at the pauses together.
On another occasion, after sweeping places had been assigned, the little newcomer was given the recreation room as her particular charge. It was quite a large room and required regular attention.One day, the examen bell rang just as Anna had swept the dust to the middle of the room. The Novice Mistress was insistent that all bells be answered promptly. without so much as taking one more stitch if one should happen to be sewing. But Anna did not want to leave that pile of dust in view of everyone, so it went behind the door as she hurried to the choir. When the Nuns entered the recreation room after dinner that day, they were greeted by, the unsightly sweepings scattered in the middle of the room, and Reverend Mother proceeded to give a public reproof to the humiliated culprit. Anna's fine sense of justice urged her to deny the accusation flatly, when she suddenly realized that this was a “test." Fortunate for her it was passed with flying colors to Reverend Mother's complete satisfaction. (The scene had been the planning of the Prioress.)
Reverend Mother Raphael., Prioress-Novice Mistress, was quick to recognize the generous fervor of her young charge, but Anna's natural impetuosity needed to be directed into deeper spiritual channels. Consequently, one of the earliest projects undertaken in the Novitiate was the introduction into Anna's curricula of a systematic study of the spirit of St. Teresa. and St. John of the Cross. The doctrine of total detachment from the things of this world was not unknown to Anna, but a correct evaluation of it according to the Carmelite traditions was rather vague at this early stage. Exterior excellence haunted Anna'a dreams of spiritual grandeur, because she was under the impression that a well-ordered exterior gave infallible proof of interior perfection, without realizing that here was precisely where the devil would try to lay snares for her soul. Anna could never reconcile a careless job with her ideal, and therefore would expend all her energy to do her work with as much exterior exactitude as possible. But she was the first to admit that in her younger days she frequently found herself laboring more for her own satisfaction than for the glory of God. Criticism invariably left her crestfallen and obscured her reasoning into believing that because she had not succeeded in pleasing her sisters, she had likewise displeased God. But Anna's genuine humility and guileless simplicity now stood her in good stead, and after she admitted to her Novice Mistress that she wanted to excel in order to be congratulated by those whose opinion she valued most, the inordinate desire for human applause lessened and she was ready at last to pursue the Pearl of great price. Little by little, Anna learned to appreciate interior solitude and silence and to love hidden virtues Which would detach her gradually from all that was not God.
These lessons were difficult to Learn. They were even more difficult to practice. But there were to be no relaxation in Anna's spiritual ambitions, and she never once lost her enthusiasm for God. Years later, when one of her daughters asked for advice an a similar problem, she was able to tell her:
"It is said Our Holy Mother framed her Rule with
heavenly wisdom, admirably combining the eremetical with
the cenobitical life. The distinctive characteristic of
our Order is the solitude of the cell, and this has always
been zealously cherished and fostered as being most conducive
to contemplation. I remember my Novice-Mistress
Mother Raphael, telling, 'If you get too weary sitting
quietly in your cell, walk around without however leaving
it.' ....One of the principal points of difference (between
the Dicalced and Calced) is with regard to silence
and solitude, and this is the reason I mention it here.
The Discalced are obliged to the silence and solitude of
the cell or hermitage; the Calced can freely promenade in
their cloisters and presumably talk.
If we are not assiduous in cultivating the spirit of
silence and solitude, we are relaxing an important point
of our Rule which Our Holy Mother made great efforts to
establish. It seems, to me this consideration in itself
should urge us. to observe it most carefully...No one becomes
interior who does not practice silence and solitude
as much as her duties will. permit."
Before long, four and a half months had passed, and it was time for her to receive the Holy Habit an April 26, 1892. She chose the name, “Aloysius of Our Lady of Good Counsel,” because St. AIoysius had just been named “Patron of Youth,” a model of recollection and modesty; and Our Lady of Good Counsel would help solve doubts that would arise on the road to perfection. It was a simple ceremony with Father Ryan as preacher for the occasion. Mary sewed the bridal gown and veil for her, but the great distance prevented any of the family from attending. One year later, on May 4, 1893, she made her Final Profession and received the Black Veil at a Solemn High Mass from Father Thomas Lee, delegate of Cardinal Gibbons and Carmel's Vicar-Superior. Father C. W. Currier, who was later raised to the episcopacy, preached at this Mass, using as his text: “I have despised the kingdom of this world for the love of my Lord Jesus Christ, Whom I have seen, Whom I have loved, in Whom I have believed, and in Whom I have placed my affection.”
In the spring of 1895, her parents made their first trip to Baltimore and were deeply impressed by the happiness radiating from Sister Aloysius. However, they still felt misgivings about her health and continually warned their daughter to be careful. But the visit was a complete success, and the elderly couple went back to Minnesota with a deep sense of peace that Carmel was indeed where God wanted her. Shortly afterwards, John and Amelia each visited her, but the great distance kept the rest at home until Sister came west in 1911.
In the days of her youth, Anna had had little time for social gathering, and her knowledge of people had been confined to the members of her immediate family, and the students she met in the classroom. Hers was a very affectionate nature that readily responded to sympathetic treatment, and the motherly ways of her Novice Mistress greatly influenced the expansion of her soul. Many of the older Sisters in Baltimore had left large family fortunes and high social standings to embrace the austerity of Carmel, and though all were. treated alike, Anna was impressed by their family, prestige. Although Mother Raphael refused to discuss such questions openly, she put the novice at her ease by helping her to develop her talents in practical things such as sewing and drawing, her intellectual abilities by the study of spiritual writers,and her affections by the practice of prayer and mortification. Total detachment was necessary at all times, and Sister Aloysius began to examine herself to root out the least trace of spiritual vices. Although somewhat in awe of the Sisters in Baltimore, she formed lasting friendships with them, but especially with the Prioress, Mother Raphael. It was inevitable that a certain kinship of spirit should spring up between these two souls who shared so many things in common.
Shortly before leaving the Novitiate, Sister Aloysius made the acquaintance of a learned Jesuit who heard her confession and became her spiritual director at a most critical period in her life. Mother Raphael did all in her power to encourage Sister Aloysius to open her soul to this worthy priest, and before long, the novice found herself discussing her most intimate problems with him, outlining all her spiritual aspirations, and mentioning her desires for total detachment. It now became clear to her that there were several obstacles in her path, the chief one being her inordinate attachment to Mother Raphael. Her affection for this good Nun was too self-centered, and seemed to be at complete variance with her high ideal. Wisely, she broached the subject to Mother Raphael:
“Reverend Mother, you tell me that if a bird is held down by so much as a thread, it is impossible for it to fly. I have discovered I am held down by a Gordian knot. What should I do?"
“Spare no pains to untie it. Can I help you?”
“Yes, I think so”. Sister Aloysius hesitated. Then, taking a deep breath, “I feel that my relations with you are not an the spiritual level they should be." Then, more quickly, “don't mean you are at fault...I alone am entirely to blame."
"How is that?”
“Your spiritual counsels mean everything to me, so much so that I am interested in no one else's. Your opinion colors my own. Your friendship enlivens my life. But I feel God wants me to sacrifice all this so that I may be free to love Him alone.”
“Child, what you say is partially true. But it is essentially a trick of the devil. You say my counsels help you. You admit that my sole interest is to see you advance in the spiritual life. If God permits my help to be of genuine service to you, our friendship ought to foster rather than hinder that. But instead, the devil makes you grow uneasy and is using this means to deprive you of the gain you will derive from opening your soul to me."
“Reverend Mother, I cannot deny that your help and counsel are what I find most helpful. But I feel that I no longer come to you to receive your help, --but, I come to enjoy your company....That is why, I have to stop."
But Sister Aloysius was not convinced. She spoke of her problem to her spiritual director. He agreed that she should be prudent but that her heart must be emptied of all save God. The temptation in her path was a genuine obstacle, and she would have to cast it out or her spiritual life would surely be jeopardized. Sister Aloysius then turned to Our Lady, of Good Counsel for light, and at last her decision was made. She felt she must limit her relations with Mother Raphael until her heart regained its liberty and her love for her Sisters be purified of all its earthly entanglements. Mother Raphael did not fully comprehend this action of Sister Aloysius, which meant a further suffering on both sides, but she did realize that there was need for generosity, and so she gave her blessing and promised that prayers would never be wanting to assist her young disciple up the steep ascent of Mount Carmel.
Upon leaving the Novitiate in 1895, Sister Aloysius received this parting advice from her beloved Prioress:
“Union with Our Lord by prayer--this is the whole life of a Carmelite. For this we are here. But this union with our Blessed Lord will be in proportion to our love and purity of heart. Endeavor then to keep a strict guard over your senses and mortify,- them frequently for it is by them impressions are made an the heart and it's purity sullied. This guard over the senses is the beat of penances; particularly, mortify all curiosity, for Our Lord will not make His abode in a heart subject to this vice...
After her initial conquest, her director was able to lead her into open warfare against everything that kept her at any distance from her beloved Spouse. From this time forward, he was most vigilant and unrelenting in his demands that she cast aside all that was not God, cost what it may.
In the meantime, Sister Aloysius had become a Chapter Nun, and she was eligible to serve the Community in various offices and occupations. One of her first appointments was as assistant in caring for the stockings. These seemed to require a great deal of mending, and the thought struck her that too much work is bad for the spirit. But she continued to sew just the same, knowing that she was still very inexperienced in the ways of high Contemplation.
Next she was sent as assistant to the infirmarian. Mother Louise assigned her to sweep the floor and keep things in tidy order. In an effort to do her job thoroughly and well, her quick mind conceived the idea that some of the articles could be arranged differently--more artistically---in the dish cupboard. For instance.- the various utensils could be placed sideways across the corners., some dishes turned upside down, the cups suspended from the shelves, etc., and a full day's work finally produced the desired effect. Mother Louise, however, did not appreciate these “worldly ways,” as she called them. Ruefully, Sister Aloysius set to work to put everything back in its original position, and her one consolation at that moment was that the angels were looking down from Heaven to see how she was reacting to this reprimand and that they. would expect her to rise to the occasion.
So the days sped by. In the struggle against her inordinate love of exterior success, she continually asked herself, “Of what use is this for eternity?” The fact that she entered Carmel on the feast of St. Francis Xavier may account for her great devotion to this enterprising saint, for she wanted to employ her talents in God's service with the missionary spirit of such an Apostle. In auy case, she regularly, recited his prayer of consecration., and two copies of St. Francis Xavier's Hymn, written in her own handwriting, were found among her personal effects. These lines were her favorites:
“Should I not love Thee,
O Jesus, Who didst so love me?
Not for reward, whate'er it be.
But as Thou gavest Thy 1ove to me
I give, will give, my love to Thee.”
Love always expresses itself in deeds, and her clever fingers, whether she desired It or not, usually succeeded in producing excellent works of love wherever they were employed. Mention was made that her artistic abilities were encouraged and developed in the Novitiate and thereafter, but Sister Aloysius had had very little training in any kind of art work before coming to Carmel, and she found it awkward to use a needle during her postulancy. It was not long before she learned the rudiments of sewing, and having graduated from simple darning to embroidery, she was sent one day- to one of the more experienced Sisters to help make a vestment. This particular Sister was a veteran seamstress, but she was in the habit of giving her directions as briefly as possible. “Take a stitch down the center of the vestment,” Sister Aloysius was told. “From the top to the bottom?” -- “How elae?" Obeying blindly, she put her needle into the neck of the vestment and drew it out at the hem. Mother would laugh, “How was I to know she meant a running stitch" But it was not long before Mother joined the veteran-seamstress class herself, and some of our most precious vestments exhibit her exceptional embroidery skill.
Total detachment: the ground bass theme of her life of prayer began to take on new meaning as she moved from day to day in her pursuit of God. Since He was not to be found in exterior success, nor in the companionship of creatures, she decided to look for Him in prayer, and Sister Aloysius intensified her prayer life to the utmost of her powers. But undue anxiety about interior perfection now became a further stumbling block in her path, and she found herself so involved in the examination of personal flaws and spiritual minutiae that she could find almost no time to spend in the company of God. Taking the WAY OF PERFECION as the basis for all her meditations, she was fortunate to have procured a director after St. Teresa's own heart who could explain Teresian spirituality from beginning to end and would allow no swerving whatsoever. St. Teresa warns her daughters to keep their souls in peace, and not worry themselves with endless fretting about unimportant trifles. Sister Aloysius discovered herself evading this injunction time and time again, beginning with a false conception of the meaning of community spirit.
Although Carmelites are bound by their Holy Rule to be kind and affable with one another, in. the fellowship of Christ's own charity, this does not permit the Sisters to converse whenever and wherever they please, but only at recreation and other specified times. However, the law of charity lends itself to various interpretations, and the difficulty arose under the aspect of edification. In the WAY OF
PERFECTION St. Teresa proves that Carmelite's who live prayerful lives can benefit others by their holy conversations, and she obliges her Nuns to keep their discourses pleasant so as to attract others to the practice of virtue. After copying several paragraphs on this subject from St. Teresa's book, Sister Aloysius requested a correct explanation from Father X ___ her faithful director. He merely underlined the two key words and returned the paper. The paragraph read: Conduct yourselves to all persons with whom you may have to speak that they may...admire your manner of life, etc. It is never a question of making opportunities in order to edify. Saints are sociable, and sympathetic,. yes, as a natural consequence of their holiness, but otherwise they retire as much as possible into silence and recollection so as to be better able to commune with God alone. Human nature always enjoys attention, and the temptation to “edify" is peculiar to religious. But God wanted something rare from Sister Aloysius, to forget herself, to forget others, to forget all creatures, and think only of her Beloved. Sociability and kindness would be given full
play at recreation, but retirement at all other times in order to commune with God would be this Carmel-ite's primary occupation and her highest contribution to genuine community life.
Sister Aloysius maintained a good balance in spiritual matters, for the Sisters of Baltimore warmly, remember her cheerful friendliness. They, tell us that during the Christmas holidays she always
liked to invite the younger Sisters (who needed no second invitation) to sing their songs with her at the Crib of Bethlehem. After Midnight Mass her last Christmas in Carmel Mother was feeling too ill to be with us at the Crib, but the next afternoon, in spite of her weakness, she waited in the Chapter Room for one of our Sisters whom she had asked to sing all the Songs for her because she did not want to forego this Christmas custom unless “under pressure of real necessity," as she smilingly phrased it. Hymns in praise of' the Infant Saviour were always her favorites, especially those the Sisters themselves composed.
It is amazing how an off-hand remark can be remembered for years afterwards. In Baltimore one day at recreation, the conversation turned to beatifications and canonizations, and the Sisters in Baltimore recall that Sister Aloysius had volunteered with a twinkle in her voice, “When I was a young girl, I need to wonder what they would call me when I am canonized, and I decided it would be “Annie of Deerfield'.” The room rocked with laughter because her tone conveyed how ridiculous she found this thought even to be entertained for a second. There was nothing stiff about Sister Aloysius at recreation, or at any other time, but she needed the discipline of retirement in order to channel her natural fascination for creatures into a greater supernatural atmosphere.
But living in Community becomes more difficult when one's opinions are openly contradicted or one's actions do not satisfy. Sister Aloysius' sensitiveness was not left behind when she entered the Carmelite enclosure, and if anything, occasions for practicing interior and exterior patience seemed to increase rather than diminish. Or perhaps, the lessening of distractions made her more aware of herself than would otherwise have been the case had her life been more active. Timid people will react on such occasions with a forcefulness that seems to belie their retiring character, because abruptness is their method of self-defense. Fear probably makes them react in this manner. But to avoid retaliating in kind, Sister Aloysius found Our Holy Mother's maxim a real inspiration: “Oh! I pray you do not fall into the fault of considering the imperfections of others, for it will retard your perfection very much, and it will injure your soul.” More than anything else, Sister Aloysius wanted to endure these things for the love of our suffering Redeemer, and with the full approbation of her director, she studiously tried not to give any answer to the unkind remarks she overheard concerning herself. She found it best just to let the comment go in one ear and out the other, and to strengthen this resolution, she would recall that the world never considered Christ a gentleman nor His tender Mother a perfect lady. After all, it was the perfection of Sister Aloysius according to God's plan that really mattered and not the perfection others might seem to demand of her.
Mother Agnes of Williston, who knew Sister Aloysius in Baltimore, was impressed by the kind of virtue practiced by young Sister Aloysius. She relates:
“One day she was Helping an older Nun,, and the latter found fault with Sister Aloysius. Just at that juncture the Prioress came along and not knowing who was doing the scolding, reprimanded Sister Aloysius severely for speaking to an older Nun like that. Sister Aloysius not only, took the reprimand in silence, but after the Prioress left, went on kindly helping the older Nun as though nothing had happened."
But human nature is never made perfect overnight. There were falls, but an immediate act of contrition was the answer, and Sister Aloysius would not allow herself to be downcast for Long. As St. Teresa observes, "This Lord ,although he is God, is also Man, and is not dismayed at the weaknesses of men.” Then one day, her director spoke to her directly on the subject:
“Sister, you are called to the contemplative life, and you could easily became a contemplative, a worthy daughter of St. Teresa, if you would disengage yourself from the one thousand and one little things which the devil or your own nature puts in your way to hinder you from success. Christ calls for your mind, your thoughts, your affections. You do not teach or nurse, or have occupations to take your mind and heart from God. But when you allow your mind to concern itself with others, and with self, Christ is made to stand aside until you can free yourself from these trifles.."
“But, Father," interrupted Sister Aloysius, “it isn't that I think about trifles, as you call them, in spite of Christ, but it is because I want to be more worthy to converse with Him that I examine my conduct. And the quickest way to discover myself is to recall the opinions of my Sisters.”
"You are mistaken, child. Christ says, "Give Me your heart.” And the answer you give Him is, Yes, Lord, but first let me think of what Sister So-and-So said, or did, or will say, or will do' And you let Christ be content with whatever is left."
"I am not conscious of doing that deliberately.”
“I believe you. But you are constantly harassed by exterior distractions and cares and temptations. The emphasis is on the exterior aspect of your thinking. And as though I said nothing, as though St. Teresa said nothing, as though St. John of the Cross said nothing, you continually tell me about Novices, Prioresses, Sacristans, Infirmarians, Portresses, Subprioresse, fancy work, em- broidery, crocheting, art, drawing, ad infinitum. Do, please, drive all that stuff out of your mind and make way for Christ. God wants you to PRAY, and you have done very LITTLE of it as yet whereas he wants you to do MUCH.”
This conversation was a revelation especially since she had recently been appointed to the Turn, the most distracting office in Carmel. To make certain she would not lose her spirit of recollection, she had fallen into a habit of constantly examining the nature of her preoccupations. Father was right. Introspection is not God. We have only one mind, and time spent in busying oneself in protracted self-analysis pushed God aside. Although a brief examination of conscience before Confession is never to be omitted, that is quite different from a continual dwelling upon one's feelings, emotions, consolations, virtues (real or imagined), visions, miracles, ecstasies, etc., for these things distract and easily delude a soul. “A watched pot boils slowly..” And Sister Aloysius was beginning to see that advancement in the spiritual life is not made by constantly examining one's progress but by keeping away from creatures as far as duty permits, by being kind as possible to everyone, especially those who are uncongenial, in a word, by mortifying all natural feeling and impulses. Reminders that her interest must be centered upon. the virtues of silence, retirement, recollection, charity and mortification, abound in her spiritual notebook, and she became convinced that progress would be in proportion to her effort in perfecting herself in them. Quoting St. Paul of the Cross, Sister Aloysius summarized her own thinking:
"By-a sweet gaze of faith and love, fly deeper and deeper into God, completely losing yourself in Him in poverty of spirit. DO NOT ASPIRE TO ENJOYMENT OR TO SUFFERING, to the acquisition of light or of knowledge, but simply repose in the Bosom of God in faith and pure love, being entirely clothed with Jesus Crucified ...... But this flight of faith and love should take place in Jesus Christ, while one keeps united (without images, let it be understood) to His Most Holy Passion ..... One allows one's horrible nothingness to disappear in the Infinite All, God.
Every interior soul seeks first the Kingdom of God within her, and then tries to share the love she finds in God with those souls she yearns to reach and save. The mission of Carmel, which is the
life of a hermit and an apostle combined, is to preserve a lofty spirit of prayer within the Church. Living the life of Christ is the same as living the life of the Church, His Mystical Body, and for Carmel it means also living the life of the “Ecclesia orans.” Sister Aloysius longed for this life to be made known and loved by every soul God ever created, and so, what about letters? Her Superiors pointed out that letters were no substitute for prayer unless they were absolutely necessary and obedience required them. Writing letters, and perhaps more, receiving them, more often than not, is a distraction from the hidden life to which a Carmelite is called. Hence, letters should be few and far between under penalty of depriving oneself of that spirit of recollection demanded by a Carmelite vocation.
From letters, it was, for Sister Aloysius, but a single step to books. Since we must find God with our minds before we can love Him with our wills, our intellects need proper nourishment, and spiritual reading is second in importance only to prayer. Keen, perceptive minds are preys to a subtle temptation to keep informed True, reading cultivates the mind and keeps it pliable to accept new trends of thinking, spiritual and secular. But for a Carmelite, unless the reading leads directly to God, it is just so much time wasted. Human beings could cultivate their minds for a thousand years and still not reach the intellectual perfection of the devil, yet, he is what he is in spite of his culture and knowledge. Sister Aloysius was blessed with a very clever mind, so it is not surprising that she should find reading a source of inspiration as well as a stumbling block. Her memory retained and amplified all, she happened to read, and she loved to study her subject, be it sanctity or science. But she was willing to sacrifice everything to win the Pearl, and so she accepted the ultimatum of her director not to look for Christ in extraneous pursuits that regularly presented themselves For a time she did take up the study of French, but this was solely to divert her mind from an interior trial, and she soon ceased the study of anything except Christ alone. She quoted her director as saying, “Do not seek for pleasure or consolation in prayer, in reading, or in the service of others, but seek in all things to come nearer to Christ by external imitation and interior likeness.” Interior likeness meant curbing one's desires for natural pleasures, for idle pleasures that have no other motive than whiling away the time.
Having carefully spaded her garden and leveled off the ground, it was time to plant the first seeds of genuine prayer in the soil of her soul. Prayer, the uplifting of the mind and heart to God, or as St. Teresa liked to call it, being on terms of friendship with God, is the very life-blood of a Carmelite. When Mother spoke of prayer to her daughters in Bettendorf, she called it a kind of sacrilege to allow anything to distract us from the interior life. God is too real and ever present with us to shun His company and dwell on trifles. But she herself needed first to learn the lesson before she could teach others, and to her surprise, her emotions now took the center of the stage.
Because she gauged the success of her prayer by the amount of emotional content she put into it and took out of it, her director wasted no time:
“Sister Aloysius,” he said, "as happens to everyone who permits himself to be swayed by feelings, you get disturbed when your feelings are contradicted. And so it is with your prayer. The effort we put into prayer is what counts, not the consolation we derive therefrom.Let God work in your soul as He pleases without any anxiety on your part, and with entire confidence, wait for Him to do what He knows is best."
But this does not mean that Sister Aloysius was emotional by nature. Hers, was a steady manly temperament, not given to expressing itself with undue exhibition. Her idea of emotion in prayer she once defined as “a will burning with fervor,” and she deplored the fact that her own will was always so cool. In God's good time she was able to comprehend that it is His to grant or withhold what are known as consolations in prayer, those interior assurances that God is near. If God withholds them, He does so for a higher good, and that is why a "will constantly burning with fervor” is seen to be a human ambition rather than a Divine. Sister Aloysius kept a record of her impressions at this time, and she noted that "Contemplatives are, or ought to be, aware that as long as they are occupied with God, there is no such thing as wasting time.” Unknown to her, God was silently leading her into the wide, open pastures of true contemplation.
After she was appointed Turn-Sister, she mapped out a program for herself in order to keep in the spirit of recollection when she was unable to be with the Community for mental prayer. She decided the best way to act would be to spend the time as though she were still in the choir with her Sisters, for she considered it a loss to be absent when Our Lord was there in their midst. Consequently, she refused to prolong conversations at these times, and though there might be reason to suspect that her motives would be misunderstood, the people were more satisfied to have her in the choir praying for them than by any advice they intended to get from her. Her advice carried more weight as an actual result, and friends she met at the Turn in Baltimore were still writing to her begging for her prayers up to the day she died. She understood St. Gerard Majella's maxim:
“In all the work which I must perform as the assistant of another, I will without the least contradiction render him the most exact obedience, and if I am told to do anything,, I will not say, ‘This is not right,' or ‘That does not please me,' But if I know from experience that a certain way of doing a thing is not good, I will say so humbly and simply.”
Patiently, painstakingly, she fought against distractions, and as her recollection became more simple, so did her prayer. Who can say to what extent God infused His Love into her soul? But during this period of transition we can he sure God was not outdone in generosity. This paragraph from her little brown book perhaps gives. us a clue:
“For want of right distinguishing betwixt divine Light and divine Presence, many remain all their lives at the door without entering into God. For as soon as they perceive the manifestation of divine Light in them, they presently convert themselves to it and behold it as God. By so doing, they make of a supernatural Light a natural, -- and so never obtain God divinely in them. ... On the contrary, if they did receive the arising light passively, and suffered themselves to be prepared by it, they would be elevated to the contemplation of God after a most excellent manner, ... They persuade themselves that they ought to do more (than receive the Light) and make use of the Light in a more full and perfect manner. By endeavoring to increase and further it in themselves, they cast an impediment by their gross working." (from THE KINGDOM OF GOD IN THE SOUL)
Contemplata tradere. St. Thomas thus describes a contemplative vocation, and Carmelites are not exceptions to this general truth. A Carmelite Nun shared with the souls she is destined to save the fruits of her contemplation by plunging more deeply into the Passion of Christ, and now, as a vital member of the Mystical Body in imitation of head and Master, she gives her life for the salvation of the world. She well understands that her prayers and immolation have value only when they are united with Christ's redeeming sacrifice, and the Maas becomes the source of all her spiritual energy. Sister Aloysius pondered this all during her life, and though she may not have formally offered herself as a victim of holocaust in some special way, she did embrace the vocation of victim and offered herself daily a Mass in union with Christ's own sacrifice on Calvary. At the Offertory, she would consider herself placed on the altar, as worthless as the bread and wine the priest held in his hand. But at the Consecration, her offering was transformed into Christ, Who gave it life of His Life, and then at Holy Communion, she was truly co-victim with Him, He giving Himself to her, she transformed into Him. Lost in Him, she could now be used by Him as He would, and the all-important thing henceforth was His most Holy Will. That is how Sister Aloysius grew to understand the Church's liturgy, and the prayers of the Mass constituted a ready approach to the state of a victim soul as she desired to be. Mother's note-book reveals the fact that she never lost sight of her ideal, and in 1934 she copied this paragraph from ORATE FRATRES (now WORSHIP) to express what she felt:
“The Mass renews the offering Christ made of Himself to the Father on the Cross, an the interior life consists in offering oneself with Him. The Mass realizes the union of these two offerings, that of Christ and that of the soul. If the Christian makes this oblation through a personal,, mystical act,as if he himself would pay this homage to God, then he accomplishes a private act, more moral than ritual.
"But if he is conscious that this oblation not only must he united to that of Christ, but also that it can be presented to the Father only by His Divine Hands, --in other words if he understands that in Holy Mass Christ is not only Victim but also Priest. -- then the sacrificial offering is conceived in it's fullest significance.
As Pope Pius XII has pointed out, God seems to have reserved the twentieth century to make known the dogma of His Mystical Body, but it is rather significant that this modern devotion should have been so well understood by Sister Aloysius who belonged to an older generation. Are we wrong in concluding that this close content with the life of the Church, Christ's Mystical- Body, is the explanation of the vibrant character of her prayer?
The soil was ready. The seeds were in the ground. And the Divine Gardener watched His work with an impatient eye, intent on bringing the plants to full maturity as quickly as possible. But contrary to all human. expectations the harvest was not to be reaped in Baltimore but in a town hundreds of miles away.
The Church was growing rapidly in America in the early 1900's, and Bishops all over the country were anxious to have Carmelite foundations made in their dioceses. Bishop James A. Davis, D.D., completed negotiations for the establishment of a Carmel in Davenport, and on November 24, 1911, Mother Clare of the Blessed Sacrament, Prioress, and Sister Aloysius, Subprioress, assisted at the first Mass to be celebrated in the Carmelite Chapel on 15th and Brady Streets. Details of the early days in Davenport and Bettendorf are found in the booklet CARMEL ON THE MISSISSIPPI, and there is no need to repeat them here. Suffice it to say, Sister Aloysius had not been one of those originally chosen for the Davenport foundation, and when she was asked by her Superiors to Leave Baltimore to accompany Mother Clare, it was a greater wrench than leaving home had been. Provision was made for her to return to Baltimore after the Davenport Carmel would be on a firm footing, but Sister's generous nature paused over this prospect, and in the final analysis decided it would be more perfect to go as a permanent member of the little band. It would be a greater sacrifice. She saved her loyal Director's reassurance on the matter, and it served to steady her in the many grievous trials awaiting her in the days to come:
“Dear Sister:
When Hernando Cortez landed with his handful of followers on the shore of Mexico, he burned all his ships. They had to fight or die. I understood that by writing to the Cardinal you burned your;ships also. It. was the best and most generous course to take, and if followed, it will lead to your sanctification.
Yours in Christ,
X_____, S. J."
After reading this, Sister went to her cell drawer quietly tore up the permission to return which she had saved, and peace reigned at last in her soul.
The journey to the West closed the chapter of her life of formation in Baltimore, but most of it remains a history known to God alone. However, if a tree can be gauged by its fruits, the years spent in Bettendorf will prove that Mother's steadiness of purpose and steadiness of pace were fundamental aspects of her growth in Christ-likeness.
CHAPTER THREE >>>
hub for historical pictures >>> Photobiography >>> Carmelsong >>> Main Web Site >>>
> >